Valuable Lessons That Changed The Game For Me
It was another night I could not sleep. I was tossing and turning - annoyed because this was the 10th time I checked my phone. It was 2 am and this became my norm for the last few years every time I was dealing with something like this. I couldn't seem to turn the volume down in my head. My mind was running with all the tabs and browsers up and I was doing endless scrolling on timelines that actually never happened. You know the what-ifs leading to fear, stress, worry and actual reruns of what did ... leading to regret, frustration, and judgment given the situation. Drowning in the negative thought forms of what if and, "who the hell does this person think they are" and, "how dare them to do this to me" mode that kept running in my head. This led to a nervous breakdown. I had crying spells, anxiety, anger and moments I didn't even want to leave my bed over this situation. It literally consumed my energy even when I was taking care of my children doing the normal day to day routine to keep up with my role-playing. I was mentally swept away in the current of another person's actions.
Despite someone yet again attacking me and my family, I realized I can either let that paralyze or consume me like I have allowed many times before. Or I can Step back into my power and realize I still have everything I need now to continue to move in the direction I really want my life to go.
In this situation, I experienced a shift, a shift that changed my paradigm. This time I decided to focus on what I really wanted to do and the impact I really wanted to make. I decided to let that fuel me. After various situations everytime I tried to get back to my life goals, I allowed something or someone to stop me mid action. I felt frustrated, I felt like I was not seizing the moments and kept missing them and I felt like I was always chasing time. Why, because mentally I would be somewhere else that wasn't pleasant. Reacting and caught responding to a person or situation I didn't like. Looking back that never served me and it led me back to regret, frustration and just overall stress. I decided no more. Enough is enough. I can't control other people, but they are going to be and do them so that part I accepted. I also had acknowledged how the situation triggered me to spiral mentally emotionally and sometimes even physically. My behaviors and actions would change towards them. The part that was hard to acknowledge was that I wasn't really upset with them. When I directed the judgment and anger I had towards them, it was really misdirected and was truly about me and how I truly judge and handle these different situations. It was really how it triggers fear and old pain within me. It was about how I failed to truly stay in my power and gave them so much mental space, time and energy. I had to acknowledge this to take my power back.
It wasn't them who made me stay up all night, It was not them who were in my house causing me anxiety, a matter of fact they didn't know and I didn't want them to know. It wasn't them who made me have random moments of crying because I fed myself so many negative thoughts it became a mood, which needed to express itself through me. It wasn't them who made their voice and actions go on replay thousands of times in my head, day and night. I allowed negative thoughts to strangle my mind and frequency. All the times I stopped doing me and what I love wasn't because they deprived me of anything, it was because I allowed them to trigger doubt, self-worth issues and old trauma that was tucked away within me. Tucked away so much that I assumed the role of "I am grown, I am adult, I am the shit"...act like shit don't bother me. Look at us, we all have something or someone who we give permission to unconsciously or consciously who triggers us to go into similar default modes and gives us more power then we would like. Especially when that brings on unpleasant thoughts, experiences or triggers unpleasant feelings that we don't want to experience. Here's the thing, we always can take our power back at any given time, it's a matter of perspective.
We must first come to the understanding life is gonna have different variables that you are going to perceive as highs and lows or you can perceive it as contractions and expansions. Life is truly a dance and each person has a unique song with a different rhythm. The goal of this song which has a different melody and beat for us all, is to stay in sync and in harmony. We must all understand there are going be times when you feel or may perceive you've fallen off the beaten path or the rhythm changes on you and you feel distance or disconnected where you don't resonate with the tune. Here's the thing doesn't resist when the rhythm changes. Who wants to be stuck in a loop of unpleasant prescriptions? But we all have been there. Know whatever you are going through is a moment, not eternal damnation. Even though mentally we get trigger into thinking it is. I figure to move past suffering, I had to let go of resistance and let expansion come through. In order to do this, I had to accept what "is" at that very moment and embrace it as best as I can to make room and let the energy flow through me and not block or hurt me. Life can be harmonious if we stay dancing with the ups and downs, the highs and lows the dark and light, the in and out, the hot and cold and all the various sound waves of life. If we understand life from a holistic perspective outside of our subjective perspective we are able to shift our perspective to a less polarizing and dualistic narrative which would change our approach, emotional reactions and thought process to life's song.
During this process, I have learned that worrying and stressing about what ifs just drains my energy.
I know energy goes where attention flows so I direct my energy to where I want it to go regardless of anyone outside myself.
I now know it's only a moment and stays in the moment and so I can catch the tide and glide and ride the current like a wave. What we perceive as fear, stress and unpleasant is only a perception away from peace.
In life, we ask for things that have to go through labor to obtain it. That brings on contractions to give birth to it, therefore, pushing us to make room for the things we ask for. Contractions are unpleasant when you resist it, but when you lean in. It can feel like an electrical charge causing you to expand and grow.
The growth and expansion is what we fear and resist the most but when we surrender to that and push past our comfort zone to birth a new you and something greater will emerge. When you accept what is, all other thinking is just an illusion and did not happen yet so why put energy into manifesting what you don't want?
Seize the moments and you soon see yourself in a entirely new mental, spiritual and physical place.